If you’re looking to build sexual intimacy with your partner, learning how to use sex toys with each other is one way to reach that goal. Sex toys come in all shapes and sizes and they’re not just for solo play–and not just for women–if you don’t have a partner. Instead, they can add new dimensions, sensations and intimacy to your relationship.
Notes The Good Vibrations Guide to Sex by Cathy Winks and Anne Semans, “The belief that masturbation and vibrators are merely temporary substitutes until real live body comes along is a prevalent one . . . Seize the opportunity to expand your sexual repertoire, rather than confine it.” How do you go about that? By talking, exploring and experimenting.
If you’ve not considered
how to use sex toys
with your partner, the best first step is to talk openly about the subject. Make the time to express your desires to your lover. Talk about what you’re already doing sexually (the good and the not-so-good, if that’s relevant) and how you want to up the ante–and potentially the pleasure factor–in your relationship.
Talk about the benefits of adding a new element to your sexual relationship and share your excitement about the new experiences you want to share. One of the trickiest messages to convey is that learning how to use sex toys is not a substitute for all the things you already do; it’s an augmentation to enhance what’s already happening between you. Some guys can feel threatened if their lady wants to bring dildos and vibrators into the bedroom. The key is to discuss why this type of activity can benefit both of you and enhance your sexual intimacy. You might also be frank if your lovemaking is ebbing, not flowing, about how sex toys can rejuvenate some passion between you.
If you know your partner’s sexual interests well, you might skip the discussion bit and surprise your lover with a sex toy as a gift or part of an erotic occasion you orchestrate specially for him or her. This strategy works as long as you’re secure in the knowledge that this type of gift will generate some sparks, excitement and interest in your partner. Surprising someone who’s not ready for this type of play can backfire, so make sure you know your partner’s desires.
There are so many ways to find out about the products out there–sex toy stores, books, Internet searches, instructional DVDs–information about how to use sex toys is readily available if you take the time to find it. Think of it as an erotic research project . . . even reading about sex toys or looking at pictures of them can stimulate your imagination, your body and your mind. You’ll stoke the fires of enhanced intimacy simply by working together to discover what toys appeal to each of you, what you’re interested in trying and making some selections.
Now comes the best part: Trying out your new sex toys on each other. Embrace the experience, because learning how to use sex toys with your partner opens new pathways to enhanced pleasure, intimacy and fun!