Couples Talking About Sex Know It’s A Key To Improving Intimacy
Remember that Céline Dion song “Let’s Talk About Love”? Well, for some couples talking about sex is a lot harder than talking about love. That’s kind of strange, since sex is such a huge part of today’s world – from song lyrics to movie scenes to Internet and print porn. Sex is so prevalent it’s a wonder we don’t talk about it all the time with everyone!
But paradoxically, couples talking about sex aren’t always that common. Often we assume that because our partner loves us, he or she has built-in radar that allows them to know exactly what we want in bed without having to tell them.
While some relationships are blessed with that radar, others aren’t. If your mutual radar is weak – or absent altogether - talking about sex is one way to enhance your lovemaking.
If you’re guessing about your partner’s needs, desires and fantasies, are you being the best lover you can be? If you’re uncertain about how to express your own wants, are you getting the most out of sex?
Many factors influence how you feel about being one of the couples talking about sex. Your personality, what you learned about sex as a youngster and who taught you and fear of sounding stupid can all affect your willingness to openly discuss sex. Even your concern for your partner’s ego can get in the way – you don’t want to hurt them by saying they could do a better job by using techniques that please you more.
Here are some ways to open the lines of sexual communication in your relationship before you get to the act itself:
1) Make time to talk about sex. Talk about how you learned about sex. Discuss your past experiences with others – the good, the bad and the ugly. Talk about why it’s hard to verbalize your desires…because the more you talk, the more comfortable you’ll become. Be specific and direct, for example, “I need more foreplay before getting to intercourse. It’s better for me that way.”
2) Have a Q&A session about your mutual likes, dislikes and things that worked (or didn’t) before. Turn it into a game of sexual truth or dare!
4) Look at erotic books, pornography or DVDs
(gentle or XXX-rated) to introduce your unspoken sexual fantasies. Tell your partner what you see that turns you on (or off). Ask honest, direct questions related to your desires, like, “I’ve always wondered how it would feel to be tied up when I’m coming – have you?” to gauge your lover’s willingness to go there.
5) Play show and tell – masturbate in front of your partner to show how, where and why touching you feels so good.
6) Set up a session just for mutual touching – no oral sex or intercourse – a time when you just caress each other and talk about how that turns you on.
If you become one of the couples talking about sex, you can uncover new ways to renew your sexual intimacy.