Sex Drive In Relationships – Getting In Sync Can Steer You In The Right Direction
The movie, Annie Hall, makes a humorous point about sex drive in relationships. When Annie’s therapist asks how often she and Alvy make love, she says, “All the time; three times a week.” When his therapist pops that question, he answers, “Hardly ever; three times a week.”
Whether you’re a man or a woman, everyone’s not “in the mood” once in a while. That’s an accepted part of anyone’s sexual being, including yours. But persistent, low sex drive in relationships may be a symptom of a bigger problem for one or both partners.
The causes can range from boredom to emotional issues to hormones. To shift gears and elevate your sex drive to where you want it to be, you can explore the causes and find solutions that work for you and your partner.
Here are a few reasons why you might experience a sexual downturn:
• Side effects of medication, for example, many anti-depressants are known to dampen sex drive.
• Illness or injury to one of you.
• Weight gain.
• Pregnancy or new motherhood.
• Hormone imbalances and/or menopause.
• Dissatisfaction with the overall situation in your relationship.
• Specific relationship issues like power struggles or unhappiness with your partner’s personality, habits or lifestyle.
• Past unresolved issues or trauma about sex.
• Insecurity about your or your partner’s bedroom behaviour or appearance.
• Stress of any sort – familial, work or financial.
• Adultery committed by one of you.
• Life changes like getting married, divorced, death of a loved one or pregnancy.
So how can you ramp up your libido? It depends on the issues.
If one of you has more drive than the other, negotiate. The higher-drive partner might look at incorporating more masturbation into the mix. The lower-drive partner might consider new positions, techniques or
If you’re both sexually uninspired, a plethora of tools can help you re-ignite your sexual spark. Consider print or visual pornography, sexy literature, new locations for lovemaking, games, fantasies, lingerie, and so on.
If you suspect a physical cause, talk to your physician. Ask for medical tests that can help determine what’s going on. For example, women in menopause will almost certainly find they have less desire because of the hormonal havoc going on in their body; a physician can help you decide if hormone therapy is right for you.
For guidance with emotional or relationship issues, seek out a qualified, empathetic sex therapist who can work with you.
Some issues of low
sex drive in relationships
can be fixed relatively quickly, but others may require the input of outside experts. Don’t be shy – ask for help! Finding the right solutions can put the drive back into your libido.